By some awesome twist of fate, I got three days off in a row. Despite needing the money and hours, there are days (and weeks) when I do not mind having the personal hours to escape inside my head for a while.
The weekend was littered with drunken parties I did not attend, viewings of Alice in Wonderland that I was not interested in seeing (don't get me wrong. I love me some tim burton, and johnny depp. But I as of late there is something soul crushing about adaptations of stories I loved since childhood. I don't know what it is, but it never works for me), and your occasional emotional breakdown.
I closed on Friday with a less than stellar crew. Lexie, the photographer, closed with me and I knew I was in for a night of 'let me tell you about my amazing life". For someone soooo nice, I don't know why I can't stand this girl. A little bit of it may be jealousy. I mean she does talk about how amazing her life is, and from the sounds of it she is doing everything I wish I was doing. She is going to India this summer for a month, just because she can. She lives in a hot apartment with hot artsy boys, she is tall and charming...and I hate her.
When she isn't talking about herself, she is thinking about talking about herself. On Friday I had the pleasure of hearing all about her upcoming trip to India, and the guy she met at a bar, and that time she met Bono in the city, or that other time she saw Sean Lennon, or that...It goes on and on. And she asks me to hang out all the time, but I have this fear that all we would do is talk about her, and I would be the awkward less attractive friend boosting her ego.
I spent the night trying to escape her, which of course meant that I kept running into McAbs. We hadn't seen each other since Valentines day, and because I was ( am) in a pissy mood I wasn't too in to seeing him that night. This guy has the most even temper I have ever encountered, he doesn't get mad, he doesn't get uncomfortable he just sort of goes with the flow. And sometimes when I talk to him, I think he has me all figured out and that's why some days I would rather just avoid him.
So i walked into work thinking that (avoidance. yay.) until I ran into him and he asked me if I wanted a ride home and even though I said "no" inside my head "I would rather walk, it's nice out" I ended up saying "not really" but he looked at me and raised his eyebrows and said "do.you.need.a.ride.home" and I shrugged and said yes.
And on the ride home we talked about work, and me getting yelled at by crazy manager, and him almost getting fired (reading a book on the job) and he wanted to let me know again that walking home this far in the dark isn't safe, especially for someone like me. So I ask him "what does that mean" and he tells me that I am just, you know, that soft spoken, non argumentative kind of girl who needs to know how to defend herself because I look a lot meeker than I am.
And I laugh at him. Because what does he know, he could be underestimating me. I could be a kickass superhero after work, he wouldn't know. I could possess the strength of a thousand men. He should be worried.
By then we have gotten to my house, but we are just sitting there. And he turns to me and says prove it. So he gives me his hand, and tells me to squeeze it "with that strength of a thousand men". Prove it. But for a split second I hesitate because I would be holding his hands, his very McAb hands and he makes me uncomfortable. And there is something extremely dangerous about him, because I am extremely attracted to him. But he is testing me, because maybe I am meek, but it doesn't mean that I can't protect myself. Even from someone like him. So I placed my hands into his, and squeezed as hard as I could until he flinched. But then he laughs (not in a mean way) because he was just messing with me. But he doesn't let go, and my hands are engulfed by his. And his fingers are warm draped over mine, and I feel safe.
But then I tell him that I have to go, and thank him for driving me home, and I take back my hand (reluctantly), and my hands felt all alone again. Damn it, how do I erase him from my mind. Sometimes I feel like I have a crush on him, just because he's a good guy that it is unattainable. That he is safe because he isn't mine. That I get to participate in a pseudo relationship with him when I need to, and I get to escape into the safety of my house when it gets to close for comfort.
I'm such a weirdo. I know.
Anyway
I ran my usual errands today. Library, salad place, home. And I am now ready to eat the best damn (and unhealthy) salad ever, watch Duel and read a book by Ethan Hawke. I'm going through a Hawke phase again. The disillusionment is killing me. OMG is this what a quarter life crisis is?
I am sort of going through the motions these days, and I want something to disrupt the flow so I change things up a bit.
And of course as I was thinking of disruptions, I found out that my hot creative writer teacher from way back when (damn I miss school) is going to be in New York tomorrow. Don't ask me how I found this out (okay, it was through his personal website that I may or may not read from time to time) but it's so weird. In the days that I have found this news out I have come up with some many scenarios that involve us running into each other and having some Before Sunset experience.
His journal writing is way more personal then his fiction, and despite my lackluster reviews of his teaching ability (I think i called him Mr.McCan'tTeachWorthADamn), I am still interested in him and what he writes. And tomorrow, he is going to be in 'my neck of the woods", like some figure from my past. I'll write more about this later, I do have a lot to say about this. But right now, I have a date with sir Stephen Spielberg and a crazy ass truck driver.
Until Then
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