The last couple of days have not gone by well.
Okay, I take that back. Monday and Tuesday were awesome, Wednesday sucked hell.
I was off Monday and Tuesday, and I spent those days reading Wonder Boys by Michael Chabon, crushing on this guy for a bit and watching soccer. I freaking love soccer. Seriously.
But then I had to go to work yesterday and my general 'happy mood was quickly replaced by frustration and rage. I am not an angry person. I stress this a lot because I come from a family of angry men. I have seen the depths of anger at it's cruelest and because of this I refuse to be angry. Hell I get frustrated and pissed, I am not perfect, but anger is not an emotion I will ever accept.
But yesterday I toyed the loose line between frustration and built up 'rage'. It's bad enough that I hate my job but the current suckassness of it isn't helping. I do love the flexibility of book store life, and my co-workers are for the most part, awesome. But the incompetence of one manager, followed by a work schedule that consists of only three closing shifts next week...is bullshit.
As soon as I walked into worked I checked my schedule. Though I expected hours to be a little funky because of all the new additions, I wasn't expecting my hours to get slashed so drastically. I work Sunday, Wednesday and Friday for goodness sakes. I will be able to afford food and nothing else for a bit.
Compared to everyone else's shift I feel like I was given the short end of the stick. I complained to my mom about this and she said that I should talk to a manager about it. But at this point, I don't feel like I should be competing for hours. I do my work, I do it well. My hours should indicate that level of work and yet, I get three days next week. All closing shifts, one of those shifts on the night Eclipse comes out.
Pretty much after the schedule thing I was in a crap mood (and even a little emotional. I wanted to cry, I even teared up a little. During my 15 minute break I frantically wrote in my journal 'there is this huge possibility, you see, that I might be fucking this up. fucking up the parts of me that are suppose to be human. all of the important parts that keep a person going. How incredibly empty that feeling is. How strangely immobilizing if not scary'. Some how this fragmented stream of conscious thought calmed me down a bit). And guess who was closing last night, to make things even more difficult and crappy than the needed to be. Yeah, 'crappy insane manager'.
'Crappy Insane' Manager (CI) cannot manage people. Instead of telling us what to do she suggests it, which is both patronizing and passive aggressive. I avoid her as much as I can, even when I close with her, I refuse to speak to her because of her lack of management skills. She knows that I do not like her, and even though I have a tendency of being a pushover I refuse to take crap from her. She is intimidated by this, and since that night she went all ape shit on me, she hasn't done it since.
Last night, we didn't get out of the store until 11:45 because CI started pulling tills too late and then tried to make it seem as if it was because 'we' spent the whole night talking instead of cleaning the store. Earlier in my shift she painfully telling me to do a simple task that I was already doing. She kept repeating the request 'could you work on this' as I was doing it, as if I was deaf. I turned to her aggressively and said 'I'm doing it. no need to keep repeating it' to which she replied 'oh, you just looked a little confused. I'm sorry".
So when 11:20 rick rolled around, and we were still at the store my frustration with her and my dumb job hit a boiling point. At 11:35, she finally emerged from the office but by then we'd grown sick of her stalling tactic (she hadn't finished counting so she can't assigning unnecessary tasks over the PA:'could you guys make sure the break room table is neat') we were camped out at customer service waiting to get the go ahead that we could get our stuff.
But that was not the case. CI decided to give a store tour instead. Yes, people a store tour. To familiarize us with recent changes on the floor. Of our own store.
The two new people smiled and followed, I rolled my eyes and shot her the death stare. This is the second time in which I have closed with her that she completely ass backwards. A tour of some of the recent changes would have been acceptable hours earlier, but seeing that most of us were on the floor already (cleaning) it was a very ill intentioned attempt to divert our attention from her lack of direction.
I despise her and summoning up the strength to go to work is becoming a chore. I need an alternative to this work situation. I hope that a regular 9-5 gig comes my way soon, or I will need to get a second job. Which at this point wouldn't be a bad idea. I need to save money. Lots of it. I intend on doing everything I need to in order to be apart of a UK production scheme. To me, this is the equivalent to applying to grad school. And it's a big deal.
Where I lack rational plan making skills, I have never worked harder to prepare myself for working abroad. But until I have landed in England with a production scheme to look forward to, I need to take afloat here. Emotionally, mentally, and financially.
Yep, being an adult officially sucks!
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