I got a new laptop

I headed home this weekend knowing I would either a) get my fixed old computer or B) a new computer.

But unlike me, the hesitant shopper, my mom saw a computer on Friday at best buy that she wanted to buy. Of course this is the same mother who has problems sending and checking email. So while she was two hours away at Best Buy, I was on the phone with her listening to the some dude ramble on about the perks of the computer my mom was seconds away from buying.

I on the other hand was not feeling really overly excited. I wanted to be there when she bought it, I wanted to be a part of the process, I wanted to really make sure I didn't get a crappy machine. Since I couldn't be there I instead got on the phone with the best buy man shooting questions left and right, being slightly confused with computer language, and then caving in and believing the dude and giving the okay with the purchase.

Of course the next day she picks me up, and what I see is quite frightening. It is this huge, not at all sleek and cute laptop I once had. Instead it is replaced with a boxy, widescreened, boys dream, girl's nightmare, weapon of mass destruction. I was mortified. It isn't an ugly computer, just not the cute one I had envisioned the night before. Of course I grinned and bared it. I figure, I'm lucky to have gotten another computer, yet alone one that was highly recommended by the best buy guy.

I was having second thoughts though and voiced that opinion to my mother yesterday. I just wanted to go back and hear it from the horses mouth that this was actually a good computer. I of course had all intentions of going back and hoping to exchange it for the one that I wanted. The one I wanted was a hundred dollars less, and apparently sucks a whole lot more, but I was throwing the "don't judge a book by it's cover" mantra out the window, and was willing to suffer the pain and agony of a slower computer for it's lightweight, sleek exterior. Shame.

When we get there the guy in the computer aisle is there to talk me down from my fears and anxieties. He name is Jeremy and I may have went to highschool with him. I hate recognizing a face but have no clue where I remember the person from. I feel like I am invalidating their life, by having no remembrance of their existence. Usually that is a good thing when seeing someone you may have despised in school. Make eye contact yet pretend like you have no idea who they are. But Jeremy may have been one of the shy kids like me, who just so happened to fade in the back.

He was kind of a close talker, but my mom and I noted that he had a soft voice like an angel. Well that's what my mother said. He has crazy shoulder length blond hair, and glasses and she said she expected angels to fall from the sky descending down the radiant light that seemed to surround him. Now you know where I get my imagination from.

He had soothing presence though and eventually I got over the computers boyishness and am happy with my new computer. It's silver and the keys barely make a noise when I am typing on them. The screen is wide, which I guess is good if I want to watch movies on the thing. And apparently it has all the other cool things, that I probably never use, but what the hell...I don't have to spend 3 hours in the library everyday now.

The first thing I did when I got back to school was download itunes. Now because all my tunes have no disappeared into la la land, I have to wait until I can find all my cd's and put them back into my library. FORTUNATELY, with living in a dorm I somehow get other people's music library on mine. Usually it is disappointing, many people have questionable music taste. But Patricks Music(whoever you are) will carry me through until I get my own collection back.

He has the Boss, Iron Maiden, The WallFlowers, Eric Clapton, Peter Gabriel, and Audioslave. He also has the Garden State soundtrack, along with several minutes of Chris Rock material. I am now afraid I must find Patrick and Marry him. He did have some bizarre choices though, like a full Jennifer Lopez album and a Toni Braxton song. ???? I can forgive him though because he had THE CLASH.

All in all this weekend wasn't a waste.

Fathers day is coming up, and I'm kind of dreading it. My grandma died almost a year ago to the day, and she was the closest thing to my dad. Any memory we have growing up and being with our dad she was always a constant figure in those memories.

You think a year later, I would be okay with the whole thing. But I guess not knowing how sick she was, and now realizing how distant we were from her, doesn't lessen the guilt I feel from not doing more to tell her I appreciated her. I guess that is why getting over someone's death is not easy, because it isn't about letting go, it's about always loving that person you can never get back. It's living with the daily reminder that she won't be apart of the important things, the simple things, but mainly the thing things.