A little Jamie Cullum and Dane Cook later...

and I am feeling a little better.

It's not every day that you hear you are going to be moving in less than 3 weeks, and especially under such stupid circumstances.

Last night my mind was going through a million things. Today it's still running through a lot of things. I have opted for hiding in my room for now.

I hate how calm everyone sounds. I hate how they decided to "wait" and tell me, and try to rationalize the whole situation "but we wanted to move anyway" "the new place is really cute, smaller then we are used to but, it's only temporary."

I guess what made me stop freaking out so much was the realization that I barely am home. I spend at least 8 months out of the year at school, and in 2 more years I will be in Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, Boston, Seattle, Chicago, or NYC.

I guess I just like the idea of home. Sure the place we were living in wasn't the Ritz or anything. And almost daily we talked about how much we wanted to leave. But I assumed it was leaving to move into a house(the house in particular being the one pictured above), instead of the apartments we have always lived in. I figured we leave on our own accord and not forced to leave because my brothers a jackass.

I guess the crushing thing is that reality once again is smacking me in the face and reminding me that life is often filled with thorns. Which sucks when I'd rather just smell the roses. I guess in a way I have to grow up a little, I have to stop relying on my mom and brother to be a sense of security for what a home is. I guess it is time to create my sense of security, of something I can return back to.

Home is about security. It is these walls that should be Impenetrable. To me, home is like a fortress. It's place that one can escape to. It's a sanctuary and a hidden place where I like to hide from the world. And more than anything I feared those walls being invaded. And I feared my hidden space would be found. But what I never expected was that it would an inhabitant of that place who let an invader in, who let what happen to take place, who was not securely guarding our walls.

Creepy Horoscope of the day:"Home and family responsibilities are distracting you from things you wish you could do. Parental duties may call, whether or not you have children of your own, for you are attracted now to the kind of security that a child should have in early life. You may want to create this for yourself or someone else. Either way, it's a good idea to honor the ideal mother and father, even if they are not your real parents" BIZARRE HUH...

So what lessons have I learned from this pivotal experience in my life:

That I'm sick of learning pivotal life altering lessons. I get it. Skins gotta be tough. But good lord I don't think I can take anymore things being thrown at me. I feel like I've earned my badge of courage.

But I guess mainly I've learned that I have to create the security and home for myself. I have to create that fortress and be in charge of keeping it protected. I was reluctant to want to be the Zach Braff character from Garden State.

Time to go write. I have 4 four screenplays. Each different but hopefully showing my range for story telling. Once I feel comfortable with the fine details of the conceptualized idea I'll hopefully write a short dialogue. Who knows.