"Season Song"

Season Song-current song playing on iPod.

Once again I am in the library, wasting time while being productive. The summer session has actually gone by fairly well. Chem is becoming easier and easier, and Psych though boring will be an easy A.

Usually while I sit in my psych class(composed of 7 students and a teacher who kind of speaks like Woody Allen), all I can think about is how the study of psychology takes away the mystery of human beings. I use to think I wanted to know why people did the things the do. Why are people sad, why do people commit certain acts and other such things. But I realized that asking all those questions and hoping to gain some answer takes away from all the beauty that is humanity.

I guess I don't want to know it all. I like mysteries and secrets. I don't want to analyze why people do the things they do. What makes people so interesting is that we have so many dimensions and angles. That we are complex and the same. Study psychology doesn't make it fun to understand humans. It takes away from all the surprising nature humans have. And instead of feeling like I am getting some greater understanding of people, I feel disconnected from people by turning every action humans do into some new objective we can study.

So then...what is that I like?....(insert a time span of five minutes here which I just spent staring at the keys)...and if money weren't involved(as in "will I be able to live comfortably when I get older") what would I do?

The hard truth is that I LOVE writing. But I don't there are any careers where I can just make money writing journals. If that was the case I'd be set. (oh..and don't get me wrong, MED school is still on the top of my "WHAT I WANT TO DO LIST". But I have heard plenty of people get to a point in med school(or any job) where they can't take it, and end up switching career choices. I'd like to keep the possibility open now, just in case).

I took journalism in High school and was so restricted on what I could write I vowed never to do it again. Journalism seems so restrictive. There are deadlines, editors to deal with, and my rough patch...GRAMMAR. I like writing more freely and about thoughts instead of actions and events that happened.

I love reading which is why I thought ENGLISH, but I'm a selective reader. I get bored real quickly and even glance at the last page to get a novel over with. Though I survived British lit, I understood what my previous English teachers had told me when they said I was better with creative writing than critical writing.

I could never write a Novel. I have problems finishing things because a thousand ideas run through my head. And I doubt I will write the next DaVinci Code.

FILM is something I have always loved, but millions of people write screenplays. I mean seriously there are so many kids out there writing the "next big thing", I feel like sometimes my aspirations are just childhood fantasies and not reality.

Which is then why I though of history. But then what can you do with a minor in history, other than know interesting, but how relevant, info. Unless I decide to go into law but I don't know how interested I am in law, other than watching an excessive amount of Court TV in my spare time.

Philosophy would be interesting...but then again what kind of job could a philosopher get. I could rant my theories to an audience of unwilling listeners.

Geez, why don't I just work for the CIA or something. Jack Bauer has a pretty cool job and so did Sidney Bristow from Alias. And even Tom cruise in Mission Impossible. But I'm not one for getting shot at. And my ass kicking skills are pretty much at a zero.

I swear this is the last post I will write about my minor. But this is literally what is going through my mind at least 2 hours a day(usually during psych), I figure whatever it is, my minor, what I am suppose to do with my life, a secret glimpse into my life's ambition, will come to me. Cause right now it is a persistent nagging train of thought I get caught up in.

Week one of Summer school over with, and so far it has been a breeze, well minus the weather which is hot. I have a Chem test on Monday, and am suppose to help Katherine with some of the material. She offered pizza as a bribe. Damn, I just can't resist pizza. There is a boy in the class who may have a little crush on me. Reasons why I know I am not exaggerating are because he tries to make awkward conversation, appears up everywhere, and stares at me during class. His name is Danny, because he told me the first day after asking if I could help him with Chem and give over my digits. I said yes to one of those.

My mom is pushing the boyfriend thing on me. I think she wanders why I haven't gotten a boyfriend yet. "show that pretty face" "stop wearing so much clothes, boys won't notice you." My clear explanation for this is that I get boys who I would never date to like me. I am cursed and doomed to have the awkward boy to want to date the awkward me. Usually very conservative and straightlaced, they have no idea what they would be getting themselves into .

One day I'll have an uber cool boyfriend. Not today. But one day. Until then, gotta study for chem.