Another one of those days. ARGH!!. I'm trying not to let myself get so down that I cannot drag myself back up. It is harder than it seems, and I'm trying not to let 'it", whatever "it" is, get to me. But I feel like I am losing that battle.
It could be due to the fact that I think I am getting sick,which always makes me a little irritable that even my body is betraying me. As my mind begins to weigh heavy on the increasing and sudden self doubt that has crept in, my body is dragging around heavy with on coming sickness.
Tomorrow is therapy day and a million things are running through my head. None of them making sense, but a clear anxious feeling arising. It's so weird to go to someone to talk about my feelings. What happens if my problem is that I have a problems expressing them? Especially to strangers. Strangers who may have a note pad and write down things while I talk, which I always thought was kind of weird. But whatever will alleviate the tension at this point I am willing to try. I can't have it build anymore than it needs to , and I am ready to be happy. Not crazy happy like some people in my class, but my own kind of happy.
Because today surely wasn't one of those days. I felt like I wasn't on my A game. I was on a B- game which is downer. My English teacher thought it would be "fun" to look at some art pictures of fallen women. She called my name and asked me about some piece of art depicting a woman on he ground as a man pulls at her arm.
No matter how I looked at the picture, I saw absolutely nothing. My head was so full of everything else that nothing inspiring came out, and I instead opted for "I have no idea what that picture is trying to say". Isn't art interpretable, is it really suppose to say a single thing. I was not feeling it, seeing it, touched by it.
But if she would have asked me if I saw last night's episode of Heroes yesterday I would have said "HELL YEAH, the greatest F*cking show in the whole entire world". I will not go into the details of how excited I am watching this show. It's amazing people, and if you haven't seen it you are missing out on greatness. Flying, alternate personalities, healing ability...And did I mention FLYING!!! And the ever so cute(including crocked mouth when speaking) MILO.
I'm done I swear(greatest show EVER).
For revenge( I am assuming) because no one was inspired by abovementioned picture, she is making the whole class come with a thesis for ANNA KARENINA. In groups on Thursday we have to come up with an idea amongst the ones we make up on our own, and present it to the class. If I'm going to get sick and all it minus well be on Thursday, I feel a little cough coming on.
*cough*
1 comment:
here is a hint from a professional: there is NEVER a single meaning from ANY piece of art. never. regardless of whatever the artist was trying to say, there are as many meanings as there are viewers/readers, etc.
my summary of anna karenina: anna is punished for being an "unnatural" woman. her failure to mother (produce/love children) dooms her.
good luck with therapy day. if your problem is not being able to talk about your problem, the therapist will see that and help. the note taking, as I've rationalized it to myself, is so they can remember key names, dates, places.
i will be thinking about you and wishing you good luck with the therapy! update us on it, please.
(and i'm bingeing on kurt halsey again.....do you think he would marry me?)
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