I'm Oh So Tired

After a midterm, an exam, and cold that has me dressing like Mary Kate Olsen on a good day( meaning overlayering to the max) I am happy that the weekend is here, and that I can lay in bed all day tomorrow and Sunday and do nothing. Which is what I want to do right now.

My English midterm was yesterday and despite my teacher thinking I am a genius(she always looks at me and smiles like she's knows a secret about me that I don't), I was not at all confident about the exam. It turned out a little better than I expected and I loved the last question she threw on there "what are you going to be for Halloween". After hard thinking I wrote down Tinkerbell. I like fairies. I was tinkerbell in kindergarten, and they threw this huge party in the gym that day. Incidentally the boy I was crushing on happened to be Peter Pan and I hung out with him the whole time. To think I had more guts when I was in Kindergarten than I have now.
Go figure.

Only three more days until Fall Break(not counting the weekend) and I think my mom may be more excited than I am that I am coming home. Ever since my brother has moved out(well he moved back in last week because his girlfriend went back to Chicago to visit her family) I can sense that she is a little lonely in the house.

Growing up, I've always thought selfishly about my own experience with missing home. I mean as a teen I was excited about leaving the nest, kind of neglecting that it would be a little different for my mother to adjust to the missing space. It's weird because we are both kind of missing the not being there for one another all the time.

I guess just as I was use to coming home to dinner, doing homework downstairs on the carpet, watching lifetime on Sundays and going shopping with her, she also misses and was use to those things. You kind of forget that when you are creating your own life. That despite all the complaints she threw at my brother and I about the house being a mess, the TV being too loud, and the arguing going on for too long, she kind of got use to it. And she misses those things.

So she has been uber excited on the phone about my short stay for the week, and has a list of things that we have to do. It seems like things stand still at my house until I return. A picture frame still won't be put up, Fall decorations will not be out, until I am there to oversee that they get done. It's kind of nice to know that I make our house a home, but it's creating a little guilt trip because I know in a few years I won't be here to do all those things. Hopefully I will be far far away from this place,creating my own little nest to rest my head.

Speaking of resting my head...

Yesterday, having some free time before math, I finally got to sit on my rooftop. I was in the library study when Sir-Smells-A lot comes next to me with that damn cart. He stares at me until I acknowledge he is there, so I turn around and do the "hey, didn't see you, how are you doing"
He says he doesn't get how I study in the library even though I work there. "I don't know it's a good place to study" I say. Even though I wanted to say "it was a good place to study until she interrupted it." after that little incident and seeing more and more people who I work with come walking down the aisle I suddenly get the urge to leave. While thinking of where I should go to study for English, the roof popped in my head and I ran over there. And people ...It was the most amazing place ever. I didn't want to leave, I felt like all I needed was a sleeping bag and a good book and I would have remained there all day. Literally I felt "so this is what college feels like" sitting on top of the roof, studying over notes as the wind blew(all I needed was some theme music in the background and it would have been heaven). It was amazing. The trees were blowing, which has to be my favorite noise ever. Part of the roof was shaded and the other part being hit by the sun. The seats rock like a rocking chair and it is utterly quiet, except for the birds chirping. I was up there for about 30 minutes.

Mike was disappointed that he wasn't up there also, and shared the same sentiment of wanting to camp out on the rooftop. I hate that we always throw out ideas but never follow through. Because what he doesn't know is that I totally would have taken him up on the offer.

Surprisingly I am trying not to get all pissy with Mike this semester and we are getting along better . We have so much in common which is probably why it is easy to get annoyed with him. I realize that I sometimes take things seriously and get too defensive. I simply let all the stupid things he says roll off of my shoulder, which has made it easier on the both of us. It's a friendship full of awkwardness but one that keeps me entertain. Plus he doesn't have any kids, so I'm cool.

I don't want my college experience to be so full of self pitying days and disconnections. It's not like I am going to be able to repeat it again, at the same age. I'm trying to enjoy it a little more, so I don't regret what I didn't do. I still have to attend a 80's themed party though, it's seems like the highlight of college parties. I don't think I have ever been to a college party. I've walked through one, avoiding stepping on vomit, but never really been to one.

I gotta work on that. I'd like for there to be more good days like yesterday. It felt like everything click. The best part had to be when a little kid about 3 years old stopped me in the middle of the sidewalk, ditching his mom, to give me a high five. At least I know I have a cool factor with the toddlers.

Time to work on having a really good nap. I love naps, and I think I would literally marry someone if they had the most comfortable nap bed ever. Not even a "sleep bed" it has to be a "nap bed". Full of a bunch of pillows and a comfy blanket made for sleeping in the middle of the day. These college beds don't do naps justice. I can't get to sleep quickly with my sheets falling off the mattress. DAMN.