The news is too depressing to watch.
TV in general is too depressing to watch. CNN. FOX NEWS. MSNBC. DATELINE. NIGHTLINE. You name it. I've been watching them all day, glued,fixated, sad. I don't even think Anderson Coopers beautiful face could make it any easier to watch.
But even after being literally overwhelmed with TV coverage i only ended up turning the TV to something like CSI or Law Order. I've reverted to watching Nickelodeon which i haven't watched in ages(for good reason too. The shows suck).
So I've turned off the TV, and started writing a love story starring me and Sufjan Stevens.
I wonder if he makes house calls.
Tomorrow i have to meet with my English professor about a paper i wrote. It was a graded rough draft which i got a B on . Normally i would take this B and parade around with it, but then i remembered that i don't want a B in his class, and A would be a lot better.
I'm kind of nervous about it. I haven't had a good track record with my male teachers and though he has shown some interest in my writing i am a little iffy about going. i get really uncomfortable round boys, even professors.
I was once told that i lacked grace. I had accidentally dropped something while watching a speech. The class was utterly quiet and all of a sudden i knocked over my notebook which goes crashing to the floor. I guess it wouldn't have been that bad, if i hadn't made a very gasp when i did it, followed by an noisy attempt to pick it up. My teacher glared at me from the end of the aisle and later when we got back to the classroom to talk about the speech he mentioned my little incident saying something on the line that "it wasn't a graceful recovery" after my shit fell all over the floor.
Years later and that remark from him still bothers me. Mainly because the tomboy in me has always wanted to be a graceful person. Audrey Hepburn of 2007. But my feet have other plans for me, my clumsiness, and "failure to recover gracefully" prevents me from being a graceful person. I am rather clumsy and awkward, who has steady feet but rather off balance at times.
I don't mind being clumsy and awkward in front of women. I'm use to it. But in front of males i feel like it's a weird and unflattering trait. I'm hoping that i won't sound like a complete and utter idiot in front of him tomorrow and that i don't accidentally drop all my papers on his floor.
I wish i could say with age i am getting more graceful, but I'm just not. And i guess apart of me feels like i can't verbally back up what i write. That the eloquent words he has come to appreciate is from a clumsy, awkward girl.
I should be studying. I should be. But I'd rather write a story.
TV in general is too depressing to watch. CNN. FOX NEWS. MSNBC. DATELINE. NIGHTLINE. You name it. I've been watching them all day, glued,fixated, sad. I don't even think Anderson Coopers beautiful face could make it any easier to watch.
But even after being literally overwhelmed with TV coverage i only ended up turning the TV to something like CSI or Law Order. I've reverted to watching Nickelodeon which i haven't watched in ages(for good reason too. The shows suck).
So I've turned off the TV, and started writing a love story starring me and Sufjan Stevens.
I wonder if he makes house calls.
Tomorrow i have to meet with my English professor about a paper i wrote. It was a graded rough draft which i got a B on . Normally i would take this B and parade around with it, but then i remembered that i don't want a B in his class, and A would be a lot better.
I'm kind of nervous about it. I haven't had a good track record with my male teachers and though he has shown some interest in my writing i am a little iffy about going. i get really uncomfortable round boys, even professors.
I was once told that i lacked grace. I had accidentally dropped something while watching a speech. The class was utterly quiet and all of a sudden i knocked over my notebook which goes crashing to the floor. I guess it wouldn't have been that bad, if i hadn't made a very gasp when i did it, followed by an noisy attempt to pick it up. My teacher glared at me from the end of the aisle and later when we got back to the classroom to talk about the speech he mentioned my little incident saying something on the line that "it wasn't a graceful recovery" after my shit fell all over the floor.
Years later and that remark from him still bothers me. Mainly because the tomboy in me has always wanted to be a graceful person. Audrey Hepburn of 2007. But my feet have other plans for me, my clumsiness, and "failure to recover gracefully" prevents me from being a graceful person. I am rather clumsy and awkward, who has steady feet but rather off balance at times.
I don't mind being clumsy and awkward in front of women. I'm use to it. But in front of males i feel like it's a weird and unflattering trait. I'm hoping that i won't sound like a complete and utter idiot in front of him tomorrow and that i don't accidentally drop all my papers on his floor.
I wish i could say with age i am getting more graceful, but I'm just not. And i guess apart of me feels like i can't verbally back up what i write. That the eloquent words he has come to appreciate is from a clumsy, awkward girl.
I should be studying. I should be. But I'd rather write a story.
3 comments:
i'm not graceful either. my first college roommate was - every movement she made was sure and swift and clean. she was precise and decisive, tall and very skinny. she never stumbled over her words, she always sounded professional when she needed to (on the phone with utilities or offices).
BUT. she had no imagination. none.
i decided i would rather have imagination and words than clear, certain graceful motions as i clean a room.
also, you always seem a lot more awkward to yourself than to others. on more than one occasion, i've commented on what a total clumsy ass i've made of myself, only to have witnesses stare blankly and say "what are you talking about?"
you'll be fine with the professor.
I've ALWAYS been a klutz. Don't know if it had to do with being tall, or what, but I never ever have had a graceful bone in my body. Forget wearing high heels...okay, heels of any height. I'll fall down. Ugh. It is hopeless.
Hope it all goes well. I thought of you today with all that was going on and you being on a campus. Hang in there, sweetie. {{{hugs}}}
No, no, no. Guys love ungraceful girls. It's endearing and adorable. If it's one thing guys love, it's playing the hero. They love nothing better than to find a little lost lamb who needs them. Look at all those 80's movies in which the girl is quiet and slightly nerdy with glasses and her hair in a bun (think Rocky). Trust me, awkwardness is cute.
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