Nothing turned out like I planned today. And I don't mean to say that today was a bad day. I know it seems as if every day I am dragged into hell, or worse depression, but I am handling...I swear.
But last night I couldn't get to sleep (again). I spent the day working on my puzzle, reading a book, and enjoying the rain. Of course, by the time midnight came around I realized that I was still doing all of those things. I hate that even when I want to sleep I physically cannot do so. I was so freaking tired last night, heavy lids and all, but I could not relax long enough to fall asleep. And sleep is all about letting go. I am all too over the place to relax long enough to fall into deep sleep.
By the time I did go to sleep it was 4am. I woke up 3 hours later to get ready for work, neither prepared or willing to embrace the day. Because of this I wanted the day to be simple and quiet, but yeah...that didn't happen.
Work has been...interesting to say the least. With the firing of Brad the rumor mill has hit a high. I admit, I am not immune to gossip and have indulged in a few stories myself . Gossip is not cool. I completely understand this. But our store is composed of characters from a John Hughes movie. We are dysfunctional and complicated people from different backgrounds who for the most part like each other. We have to, because the customers suck so much.
Since his firing, you can't go a day with hearing about it. But the thing about gossip is that it only works when thrown about a small group of people. Once it trickles out beyond that, you're screwed. Some how all the gossip from the last few weeks have reached the ears of the managers and we are now forbidden to gossip. Whatever that means.
She was so serious about it during the morning meeting that we spent the better part of the day gossiping about the fact that we can't gossip. Everyone wants to know what the managers have heard. If the 'gossip' they are talking about is the 'gossip' we pass around.
After our morning meeting I got stuck in the kids department all day. But my head hurt something awful and it's spring break here so parents don't know what to do with their kids. I will never understand parent's who drag their kids to a bookstore in the morning, afternoon, or night. Unless you are buying books, I don't see the point in bringing a three year old in the store for 2 hours to play with a train set. There are parks outside. Libraries. museums. backyards, and yet they bring their kids to a bookstore.
I couldn't stay in there too long, my head hurt, some kid was yelling incredibly loud and one thought he was a track star because he kept running around the store. I tried to go with the flow today, but apparently the current didn't call for calm because I spent most of the day running around.
I thought going to the library after work would calm my nerves but a comment from my manager messed me all up. Apparently some of the gossip is about me and the new manager. A few weeks ago I got yelled at by the new manager and now it seems the store manager wants to make sure I am 'okay'. The story filtered to her via someone who closed with us the night of the incident, and who knows how the story spiraled down from there.This is why gossip is bad.
When I was leaving she took me aside to ask if everything was okay and that I could come to her with anything that was bothering me. I was about to mention that I haven't been able to get a good nights sleep in a while, but she had serious concerned eyes so I decided against that. I told her that I was good and that nothing was bothering me, but she insisted that if I ever needed to talk to her about something to feel free and have a chat. Fucking eh-.
Now I'm all kinds of exhausted and I want nothing more than to sleep. I did end up going to the library but am unable to check out anything because I moved without notifying them of an address change. So until I bring them any mail with my current address on it, I can't get any books. I'll do that tomorrow I guess. I have a day off , even though I do plan on sleeping in pretty late.
Sleep, how I miss thee.
1 comment:
i'm right there with you on the lack of sleep thing. i fall asleep okay, but wake up after only five or six hours of not-fabulous sleep. and then that is it.
back in the day when i used to get real insomnia (from stress, always), a friend said: "you need more physical activity! wear yourself out!" that worked then, for awhile. now, i'm immune to any sleep-inducing schemes.
That train table is so foul and disgusting and I cannot believe people let their children play with it. I disinfect it when I'm back in kids, but that's pretty infrequent. There's always some kid whose diaper needs changing, too, when I'm in kids.
i find it sort of hilarious that we work at the same place, figuratively speaking.
i might get a puzzle this weekend, at work. unless they're cheaper at target. i'll think of you as i mindlessly piece together a picture of a cat, or a house, or a field of wildflowers.
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