I've Got the Starving Part Down...

This month, surprisingly like March, April and May, is flying by.

How is it already the 18th? That means I have to pay rent soon (argh) which means I will be even poorer than I already am. There's this dumb new show on Bravo called Work of Art that I started watching because...it was late and nothing else was on. It's another reality show competition , produced by sarah jessica parker, where artist duke it out every week creating 'works of art' for subsequent evaluation.

It's a pretty pompous show. One, I couldn't imagine having to create something under the guise of a competition show. To me that is not what art is. It's a process, sometimes slow or sometimes chaotic. But if someone told me today that I had to come up with a story featuring some just imagine concept, I could do it, but it would take more than 24 hours. I'd have to sit with the concept for a while, let it marinate, and then proceed from there. But alas that is not how reality competition works, and if sarah jessica parker says create a piece in less than 48 hours for the chance to win a buttload of money, well then you do it.

Secondly, some of the artist on this show remind me of very well to do kids, complaining out how hard it is to create art and survive. What I find hilarious about the show is the comparison between my imagined sense of the 'starving artist' vs. the participants on the show. In my world, the starving artist is just that. He or She is most likely a scruffy looking, neurotic, chain smoking individual who lacks the nutritional or hygienic desire to eat well or shower. Cliche yes, but all too true. On this show however, even the scruffiest of contestants are donning Banana Republic v-neck sweaters. It's like when you see Brad Pitt in a magazine looking like a homeless guy, only to realize that it cost thousands of dollars for him to look that unkempt.

The people on the show are your quintessential eccentric, too into their art...hipsters. And some how when they proclaim that they have suffered for their art and are broke beyond broke, I can't help but stare at his or her too 'cool for school' scarf thinking otherwise (I'm talking to you Ryan!). Miles, Ryan and Nicole exemply my observation of this. Hearing them talk almost hurts. I think Ryan even said he sleeps in a car. I could have died with laughter.

I would not call myself an artist, but I've got the starving brokeassness thing down. The other day my friend from work asked what was wrong with my shoes. I looked down to see the state of my well intentioned green flats were beyond destroyed. They are not even shoes anymore. They are simply fabric being held together by string. The bottom of the sole doesn't even exist anymore. It's not that I can't afford new shoes, but I am prioritizing necessities, and new shoes isn't on the list. And it was then that I realize I am a broke individual. Not poor, but broke. When did 24 become so awesome!

I do worry about money almost every single day. Without help from the moms, I could not afford, in any regards, to live here. Not on the bookstore money anyway. And now there is a bunch of new people (and one random intern. yes, an intern) who I am training and trying to make feel comfortable even though I know they will take the hours away from me. I am not a full time employee there, and when things get slow I am the first one to see a decrease in hours (and they just made a girl who just graduated from school a full-time employee. great).

This UK thing won't start until next summer (fingers crossed). Which is good, because I can work out my passport and visa issue, secure a traineeship program with a company and have money to live aboard. But until then I have to figure out ways to stay afloat here. The job applying, job hunt still continues but I'm seriously considering getting a second job. I need the money or more importantly I need to lighten the stress. And I could use some new shoes apparently

I guess that's why I wish the days weren't moving by so fast. July already is going to be a busy and expensive month for me, and it isn't even here yet. I am going home for a whopping 10 days that month, followed by a weekend visit from Angie at the end of July.

I managed to save up 40 vacation hours this year, which means I can go home and still get paid as if I had worked for a week. I still have my concerns being gone for that long. Don't get me wrong, I look forward to being in South Carolina for a while and eating non frozen food in my home, but the responsibilities here are weighing heavy in my mind.

I'm attempting to relieve the stress through fun activities. The other night I hung out at a co-workers house, playing dumb boy games (super hero dungeons and dragons. I watched more than anything) with two of them while eating a version of Parmesan chicken that only twenty something year old boys could imagine. It was an amazing night. I was there until 10, laughing and enjoying my time. I haven't done this in a very long time. And despite my apprehensions about hanging out, I need to loosen up a little. Or this poor starving artist thing will be the death of me.