Lost

...and no it isn't a reference to the show.

I'm starting to think that the first few moments when you wake up can determine your whole day. It isn't like thta I woke up on the wrong side of the bed thing, but more of a indescribable feeling that i will somehow try to described. After a lackluster study session last night for my european history test, which i literally feel asleep on, i woke up with a feeling of being lost. (i've never feel asleep while studying before so you can imagine how boring the stuff we are covering are that i woke up with a page stuck to my head).

When i went outside this morning i just had that feeling. Like someone was looking for me, because they had lost me along the way. I have this theory that we are all connected. That everything will eventually fall in to place, that we live on a gameboard called life. And the different turns and trek along the way either diverts us, or leads us to the end which is complete happiness. That can be when your 20, 30, 40, etc....Because everything eventaully falls into to place there are people out there who we will meet who will change our lives forever, but because we don't know them yet doesn't mean that somewhere in our subconsiousness we don't have some emotional conection with them. I thinkwe feel these connections on off days. Like someone out there right now is searching for me, and i haven't been found yet. Yes i gathered all these emotions by stepping outside my room today. It was an intense feeling not of dread because i was feeling lost, or even anxiety for not being found yet, but contemplation on whats next to come, and sense of feeling comfortable with the wait. I know it's totally absurb and probably makes no sense, but thats what i felt.

I had english this morning, and Mike was there. He took my seat, and i did the whole "now where the hell am i suppose to sit now" i noticed that he took my seat because his was a left handed desk and mine wasn't. Now of course we are in college and there aren't any assigned seats, but we notice that generally sit in the same place, because it's comfortable, ect.... I always think like "i wouldn't have done that, so why would he" but then i remember that people don't think like me, and put there interest before others. SO he took my seat, because he didn't want to sit in the left handed desk, sparing his comfort for my discomfort. What an A--hole. I didn't say anything to him, i didn't wait for him after class, i went on my own not only because of the chair, but the principle of the chair and the principle of his character before, after and the future with everything else.

It's okay being alone, i mean being lonely sucks, but i'm comfortable with being by myself sometimes, rather that than putting myself through relationship with crappy friends because of the notion that we need to have them. Combined with my feeling of being lost, i was more inclined today to not take his Sh*t, or anyone else's. There are so many more bigger things out there for me, and i know it won't always be crappy, and sad, and drawn out. And i have to go through this stuff for the bigger picture at the end, then i don't mind the wait. Because no one's lost forever, someday i'll be found.