Taking Time Out

Maybe i need to mediate more.

Today was extremely busy, as most thursday are, starting with a lovely English in class essay at 8 in the morning. I think i may be a horrible with time. Though i have a lot of it now, i cant seem to contend for where all the minutes are going and before i know it it is really late at night and i have something do, or really early in the morning and i forgot some homework under the radar. Today was the latter. I woke up, knowing that something important was due but needless to say what that something was, was beyond me.(It was a Spanish assignment which i rushed and did really quickly). I did know that i had a In Class essay do today, and i was prepared for the wonderful task of BS-ing. It's a skill to be able to sit down, jot something down and get a reasonable grade with it. And that may have been what i did today.

Mike was there, as was everyone else showing up completely early and studying the poem assigned for us to write about. I wasn't really nervous but fretted on not knowing how to say what i wanted legibly to make it some masterpiece of work. With the professor treating me like her star pupil, i feel everyone's eyes on me as i we actually start writing. Like i have some big clue on how to write this paper using New Criticism. What Dread. Mike finished in like 30 minutes and then skipped(okay exaggeration) out of the room. I couldn't tell you now what i wrote, but it sounded good, and that has to count for something.

I'm started to think that my mind is cluttered with things, and i just need to find some time to just breathe. I don't want to have a nervous breakdown when i am 19, and notice that sometimes i don't just take that time to fully clear my head and just be in the moment. Maybe at some point or another i will have pinpointed the exact reason for my anxiety and such...

My "friend" called today. I may have stated that she only calls when it is convienient to her. I have been leaving things on my away message that document my days. Like the meeting with the Harvard Doctor, my spending sundays in October being a set designer for a indie movie and things. As soon as she thinks that i am in some leading a more eventful life then her, she calls me up to brag about all that she is doing. I don't like talking to her, but i have this thing where i feel indebted to the people who i make friends with. Like there is a loyalty to them so i put myself through this abuse.

As i figured that was all that she did while i was on the phone, basically bragging about how she is doing more and all the fun she is having....yadda yadda yadda. I'm starting to see that people who brag about things are usually not having as much fun as they say. Everyone has their mechanisms for getting through the day, maybe hers is toturing me. But i'm not her dormat anymore.