The Beautiful Occupation

Today at work I spent an hour putting numbers on shelves. Why? I don't know.

Melissa(Who I still don't know what she does) is a senior or something, but is like the "Head of Shelvers" She doesn't really do anything but makes about 2 dollars more. She sits at a desk all day, looks at her facebook account, and occasionally you can see her walking up and down the aisle making sure we are doing our job.

Other than being useless to actually shelving books she is also kindof a Bi-atch. Her voice is always in the same bored tone, and I dread having to talk to her. Not out of fear but out deadly boredom every time I am around her.

So today after taking my skittle break, she informs me that I have to label each shelf with a number. She hands me a envelop full of numbers, a scissor and some tape. I accept my new task and head over to start labeling shelves with none other then Sir-Smells-A lot.

He has earned that name because the first time I met him he was sweating so bad I thought it was raining outside. I was looking around to see if anyone else was drenched and then realized that it was a bright sunny day and the puddle of water falling from his brow was indeed sweat. Besides the sweat, he smelled so bad I was about to gag. I can't even explain the smell. It's not like he rolled in garbage it was like he was born from garbage. You can smell him coming a mile away. I can be in an aisle, smell something and know that he is only a few steps behind me. It was that bad.

Since then I must say his smell has lessened, I guess the concept of showers caught on, and my face does not scrunch up every time he is near. But even now just the sight of him reminds me of the smell, and I get a bad vibe. Hence the name Sir-Smells-A lot.

There are just times when you meet a person and you get a bad vibe. Like maybe in a past life this person did something wrong to you. Sir-Smells-A lot could be the nicest guy ever but I just don't like him, despite his smell, there is just something about him that makes me stay away.

So walking towards him, I was thinking "crap, of all people." I was content on ignoring him, but of course we were both numbering the same aisle(he took a shower thank god) which made it kind of difficult to pretend I just didn't see him.

As soon as I approach he says "what's up"
Me: nothing much man

For some reason he thought this was funny, repeating what I had just said. I awkwardly laugh and then start cutting numbers. I happen to be wearing a David Bowie t-shirt, and he says

SSA: You like David Bowie
Me: I like rock, it's mainly what I listen to.

Which is the truth. But...I don't know much about David Bowie's music. I think he is uber cute in that weird way, and has impeccable style, and that he is married to a very gorgeous Iman. But music wise, I like Heroes/I'm Afraid of Americans/Man Who sold the World and a few other one's but not a huge fan. He then went on to ask me all these song related questions that I shrugged and drew a blank on.

Getting the hint he dropped it. I turn on my iPod and begin listening to Enya. Now before you say anything, I know she sucks. But about 4 or 5 songs are a little catchy and they are calming to listen to. But it's nothing I would admit freely to listening to.(Speaking of IPod, my music library is getting a little old. I am in need of new tunes. Of course I haven't a clue of good artists that don't make you want to weep in a corner. Any suggestions of CD's to buy that aren't depressing would be greatly appreciated) Of course Sir-Smells- A lot wants to know what's playing in my IPOD. I shrug/laugh and say that he doesn't want to know.

SSA: I won't judge you, come on.

Of course you won't judge me until you find out it's ENYA. That's like saying I love Rap but I am playing Kenny G right now. A big NO NO. So I lie, say Sufjan Stevens(who he knows) and change the subject quickly.

Though are conversation was very pleasant, and I don't think I embarrassed myself(ENYA, I bow my head in shame) I am still a little hesitant around him.

How I'd love to stopped feeling hesitant, even around boys who smell like a dump truck.

I think I have a lot to offer. I think people are generally curious about the quiet girl who doesn't say much but whose thoughts are always in the cloud. Sometimes I'd like for my feet to be planted firmly on the ground, and be on the same playing field as everyone else.

I'm learning that the more you don't want to be seem, the more people seek you out. I have made my awkwardness so apparent that people either want to learn more about me or get the "she doesn't want to be bothered" vibe, that they stay away. I guess I am trying to find a fine balance between the two. Not doing such a great job.

I still have to finish Madame Bovary, and man I hope she gets her ass kicked. Yesterday in English while I was trying not to be called on(averting teachers eyes), I had to answer a question of what is wrong with Madame Bovary.

The truth is, is that I had the answer on the tip of my tongue, my teacher must have saw that look because the next thing you know I hear

"what do you think Beckett"

Before I could even be nervous or feel the little drop of my stomach every time I was called on I simply said

"there is this conflict with Emma. She reads these books about magical love/passion/ecstasy and wants them to be true. She wants to immulate that. But what she doesn't realize is that they are lies. And it is her living by those lies that inevitably cause her downfall. She is stuck between this place of reality and fantasy and it is the tension between the two that cause her tale to be a cautionary one. That you have differentiate between the two or you will end up like her. "

WTF. Where the hell did that come from. Someone said "WOW" behind me. The teacher looked liked the lightbulb went off in her head and I had said the right thing, and I was even tempted to go on. But stopped myself.

I hate that Emma and I relate to each other. Because I honestly think I was talking about myself there and just applied it to this horrible character.

Reality and Fantasy. Something I am a huge expert on.But learning to differentiate between the two is harder than I expected it to be.

Time to do homework, after a short lunch break. I am starving.