Back in Town

Back at school from my weekend at home.

I was so ansty on Friday to go home, that after my last class i may have ran to my room waiting for my mom to come. And when she and my brother did i jumped into their arms like a child, i didn't even care who saw me.

Returning home was great. I don't know whether i missed mom and my brother more or my cats Nelly and Nina. I have spoiled them with love and dancing with them and just basking all this attention on them, that i think they missed me immensly because as soon as i walked in the door, yelling "i'm home" they came trotting down the stairs meowing. Nothing better than that.

I like being home, because i can lay out on the floor in the living room, equppied with a blanket, pillow and remote control, my mom sitting on the couch and my brother coming downstairs occasionally without feeling like this need to do something. When you are younger you forget or don't appreciate those moments when you are laughing with your family at some ridicuouls movie forgetting the sorrows of the world. I notice now that everyone seems to feel most accomplished, special, needed, when they are filled with something. Whether it be, going out everynight or working all hours of the day that they neglect to relax in the moments when you aren't filled with doing anything. When reading a book, while mom reads hers in the living room with music (ambient for her, classic rock for me when she lets me turn the channel) plays. It was relaxing, and falling asleep in my bed, with the cats resting on my legs where the sweetest hours of my days so far.

I remember when i first went to college, and i came home for the first time after living on my own "technically". I somehow had it in my mind that i was only a visiter in that place, and i felt a little uneasy because i was like "can i still put my feet up on the couch", until my mom gently reminded my that this was my home still, and treat it as such. This time thought it did not cross my mind and the uneasiness felt last year had evaporated as i jumped on the couch as if i had owned it. The visit cleared my head, it puts in prospective what i am accomplishing here, and how much my family believes in me enough that i can do this. Though they drive me crazy sometimes.

Though i didn't get to do nearly as much as i wanted to do this weekend, the fact that i spent it with them is well enough, and soon we will have fall break, thanksgiving and i will be home again.

I don't miss the bickering that takes place between my mom and brother though. I noticed this summer as we got into one of our "who are we mad at this summer romp" that as a unit we feel this need to be mad to at least one of us. Like one summer me and mom will be mad at my brother, my brother and i will be mad at my mom, they will be mad at me. It's this horrible cycle that we do and i don't think i realized it until this summer. And before we could even jump on the "who are we mad at this summer" routine, i put a halt to it. In mid argument with my mom and brother, this summer, i was like "do you notice we do this every summer, and i'm just so tired of going through it" and like that the argument stoppped. Not that we still don't disagree with each other, just that maybe it isn't so explosive like past summers. Though my brother is the king of confrentation and as some one who avoids it, it can be a drainer living with him.

Now time to rest