Change of Major

I have been running this through my head since last semester. I meet a girl named Katherine in my English class last year. And she's really smart, and i instantly wanted her to by my mentor, secretly that is. I mean she speaks up, and shows her stance on issues and is from Philly, so brownie points. She also is a pre-med major, which is good because she can tell me everything i need to be prepared for. What she isn't is a Biology Major, and last year she told me that it isn't really good to be a biology major becuase med schools want well rounded, kind of philosphocial types who think beyong medicine and reach people on a personal level. When i heard that i may have jumped for joy because i despise Biology and Chemistry. Though i will still have to take them, i won't have to have them be my main focus. Though i made this decision last year, i have yet to go to he change major place.

I don't konw what it is, but i also had this notion that i would excell extremely well in science. And it just isn't the case. I hate labs, and i hate calculating all these numbers, i hate test tubes, and beakers, and bunsen burners, the whole lot. It isn't for me. Today in Chemistry was a complete disaster. Though my partner now shows up, i still have no idea what i am doing half the time, and i totally messed up our experiment. You could tell she was a little mad at my small yet big whoops, and we had to borrow some chemicals from another group. Though we weren't the last to leave, i must say.

Earlier today, i crept into the Psychology department, and picked up my form. I held the papers in my hand as if they were somehow saying goodbye to the past. Though med school is my top priority, i have to make sure i totally don't bomb my undergraduate career, and think psychology would be up my ally. I remember in high school my phyiscs teacher warned us that most of us would end up changing our major, i sure as hell didn't think it would be me. But i like psychology better, and maybe i can get away from all these chemicals and crap while i'm at it. So the papers are sitting before me, and i have to fill them out and return them to the dean. I think a big weight will be lifted off my shoulder.

It just figured it would click for me somewhere. I would somehow in my brillant mind of mind would one day wake up and have it all figured out. Be some Science god who can understand everything thrown at her. Not the case. It clicked all right, the bright bulb telling me to run while i can, escape from all that is evil, which is science. So pyschology here i come.

Back to my lab partner who is one crazy girl. I wouldn't say she was a free spirit, maybe a deterrer of rules, a girl who takes life as it is. Okay she is just crazy. She complains about her roommate who thinks she is whore. I guess her roommate is a prudish, sort of 19 year old. Lab partner goes out and drinks most nights and prudish roommate condems her to hell, oh the pleasures of having a single room. I can get annoyed with myself, and no one else.

I notice for a 19 year old, i haven't charted to the dark side, or even really peeked over to the darkside and waved at all those there. Which is extremely weird cause i don't consider myself to be a person who lives by the book. I consider myself...well not a book follower. But when i talk to her i see myself completely lying.

Crazy Lab Partner: So yeah you know how it is, coming home drunk from a late night
Me: Totally(what?! the closest thing to alcohol i've had was a wine cooler which tasted like sparkling water)
Crazy LabP: And like she was so upset when i brought a guy over
Me: That's horrible, she should lighten up (I don't even think another girl has been in my room, yet alone a boy)
CLP: I mean it wasn't like we were doing anything and even if we were, like i can because i'm not going to do the whole wait before marriage thing. I mean what kind of relationship is that.
Me: I totally agree(what?! i mean i kind of agree, but you can't go sleeping with anyone who shows an interest in you).

Which is why when Mike said i didn't have morals, i was kind of mad because i do less stuff then most people my age, i do have morals, but i seem like mother teresa compared to all the things she was willingly telling me. Does that make me a prude? I don't think so. I'm just not in to those things, i try to stay as far away from drama as i can, and the mixture of alcohol, sex, and overnight sleepovers is not in the near future. But i guess not to be labeled a prude i just avoid talking about those things. And thus nodded my head like an idiot in class today, as this 18 year old told me all her dirty deeds.

I don't in the least think that i am missing out on something. But i do see that my social situation has to get better, if i'm going to make it here for another 2 1/2 years( i am going to spend so much time in summer school, getting all the credits i can possible squezze in), so tomorrow i am going to finally go to the movie club. I don't know why i didn't go last time, maybe it's because it was a Nicholas Cage movie and i'm not that big of a fan, probably because i somehow talked myself out of going due to anxiety. But tomorrow i will go, where we will be watching La Femme Nikita. And though i have seen this movie a million times, i just have to go and do this, cause i don't want life to pass me by, or i don't want to watch from the sidelines as much as i do now.