Home

I'm not homesick, but i would have liked to go home this weekend. Though the last couple of weeks has been hectic with my mom, due to school expense, and the always underlying tension between my brother there is something about being at home, that makes all the other stuff meaningless.

We've only had each other for the majority of my life. My parent's got divorced when i was three, and though we were close our family in New York we were like the three amigos. Some surpassed connection of understanding from three loners in a way.

In New York we lived in a old time apartment building. It was an apartment which old actors from the +20's lived, and commuted from there to the city. It was a beatiful apartment. A long hallway that ended with the opening of this massive living room. There were French doors that my mother put up wrong, and thus swung the wrong way, there was the claw foot bathtub that at the time seemed like a swimming pool, and a balacony that overlooked our town. It was amazing. The three us felt the most safe in that apartment, like for once everything was working out.

When we moved it was tough mainly on me, my brother adjusted well, my mom didn't. So the house that we stay in now is like our safe haven from the world. Some how it has absurbed out aura and is a comfortable place to stay. Which is why my brothers friends don't want to leave and my mom has to kick them out.

In the morning i will come downstairs to my mother playing this weird ambient music which somehow soothes us all. It's just something about being home, i mean my house compensates for me not being "AT HOME" in Westchester. Like we have somehow brought it with us, and as soon as you open the door, all the worries and anxities fade away.

And not to technically quote the "overhyped yet watchable talkfest of 2 hours of my life spent looking at the time of how long i was sitting there spacing out becasue there was so much dialogue" called Garden State but Home is this weird place, because at a certain point of your life yo do realize that your home isn't your home anymore, i mean i haven't yet, but at a point i will. And all we will ever do is try to create that sense of home we had when we were younger.

Not that i don't love the weekends here, but i'm usually studying for something, trapped in this room or the library because something sooner or later is done. While i was walking back from Subway i notice that there seemed to be a lot of people outside. And i had that feeling like "something is happening" yet i have no clue what it is. I notice all the people wearing college t-shirt shoowing school proud which still escapes me, and i realize that there is a football today. Mike mentioned it yesterday but i don't really believe what he says so i just blew it off. So today i was a little taken aback by all the Cars whizzing by me with college flags raised.

One day i may get the whole point of being fanatically proud of the school i attend. But this isn't the school and it isn't the time. I was going to go to the movies tonight, but there is nothing worse than walking home at 10pm while drunk and a little buzzed from the game, and other things, kids roaming the streets. I do have Chemistry to study for, though i think TV has won that battle of importance at this moment.

Before i got my test back yesterday, i was nervous wreck. I mean the whole week had played out pretty crappy. Got fired, money woes, and such...So i wasn't expecting good news on Friday. Not that i assume that if Monday suck that the whole week will, but man it wasn't looking good. When i got to lab, my heart feeling like it was going to burst out of my chest, i nearly fainted at just the prospect of my failing this test. I was determined that if i bombed this one, then i would seriously have to consider dropping the course, cause i can't risk failing it again. Mike told me he was also thinking of dropping, seeing that he didn't take the first exam and calculating that he could make a 100 on the next three exams and still only make a C, he might be in trouble. I course was not going to admit my concerns to him, who would only then throw it in my face. I tell you i have great friends.

But he did tell me that i passed than he would keep the course. Thanks. base you whole academic career on me to give me a heartattack.

So we get our test back, but there are no grades on them. He sends us to the back of the room where the key is located and we mark the ones we got wrong. Just to check if there has been any mistakes on grading, Then we go up to him and he shows us the grade. But when it is my turn he doesn't see my name on the list which means he doesn't see a grade. I almost died. So i go down to the Head Professor of Bio 101, and she writes my grade on the grading sheet. B....I was more then excited. I saw thank you, walk out calmly and then Run down the hallway smiling like a dork. ( i didn't get my grade in Lab because i forgot to bubble in my SSN on the exam. Damn Bubble in's).

When i get back to lab i am smiling like an Idiot, telling Mike the news who now seems underinterested. He also claims that since i made a B on the exam he can make an A because somehow he is smarter than me. I just stare at him, like "Are you the most horrible person in the world, how do you make friends and i don't b/c friends wouldn't say something like that" but i don't say anything. After class we are talking about papers that are due next week for lab, i tel him that i don't know the website to go to to find a primary literature.

MIKE: No wonder you failed Bio 101
Me: [insulted, mouth agape. Silence] Excuse Me
MIKE: You don't know the website to find primary literature.
Me: No i don't... but you failed Bio also so what are you talking about.

I could have went on to say

"and you failed math also , and you have less than a 2.0 GPA and you didn't even take the First Exam this semester, which means you made less than the guy who made a 19. And you kind of plagarized my essay last year in English, and you hardly come to class, and you are horrible friend, or a really good enemy either one."

But i didn't say anything...though i did walk away from him, not saying goodbye. Sometimes i want to tell this kid off so bad, it's not even funny. Because i can't be mean to people, which always everyone to step over me. But that was so wrong what he said. Couldn't destroy the excitment from the B though, or the even bigger excitement when i got my last paycheck.