Friday, August 19, 2005

It's lonely at the bottom




So classes started yesterday and it went okay i guess. I have chemistry, biology(for the 2nd time, that shit was hard), Spanish(hola amigos), Pyschology, and English. Yesterday i had all of them except Chemistry. As i figured, i recognized no one in my class, and did the whole "i'm doodling on my notebook so i look like i have something important to do" when in essense i was just trying not to look like i didn't have any friends. When i got to Biology, my friend Mike was there. We were in every class last year, and that is no lie. Because we entered in the Spring there weren't many classes to sign up in, so him and i basically signed uo for the same classes. He annoyed me sometimes, but he was cool to hang with, and we developed a friendship. We didn't see each other until class ended, but when we did, it was like "OMG, i'm so happy to see you blah blah blah." even though i didn't like seeing him last year, i was excited that we managed to find each other in the mass of 3 hundred people, and we vowed that we would pass Biology this semester.

After that small reunion i went to Psych. They have this new thing this year where the school addresses the classes with high failure rates, and provide services to students who need additonal help to pass the course. I'm thinking who fails Pysch. Is it that hard that people fail the course, maybe it is. So now i am all buggin because out of 5 classes 3 of them are high in failure rate. Needless to say this wont be an easy semester. So after all of this i have to go to work at 5 o'clock. I'm done with classes at 2, so i have baout 2 hours and 30 minutes to sleep, eat, do homework, try to have a social life(which is none at this moment), and still managed to make it to work on time. So i work Monday's, Tuesdays, and Thursday, from 5-9. I can't work any other days cause i need the rest, and study time. Last night i was the only one who showed up to work. And i have only been working there for two days. I was exhausted. Doing the register, cleaning the back, taking out the garbage, filling the ice machine, wrapping the meat, making the fries and chicken fingers, it was crazy. So 9 o'clock comes and i'm thinking, "okay i'm going home" not the case. They are staying open late tonight, and thus i have to stay. Sweeping, wiping, moping, stacking, crushing, scrubbing, anything they tell me to do. I'm like what the hell, when will i have to time to rest and sleep,and not physically burn out. The Assistant Manager must have noticed my tiring and sent me home.

I don't get out of there till 10,and it's pitch dark outside. I throw everything in my bookbag, including my drink, and start running, i mean i don't want to do is get raped in an alley and not being able to put up a fight, because of my exhausation from doing everyone else's job who didn't show up. As i'm running, i feel a trickle coming down my leg. Now i not a spontaneous pisser, i've never wet the bed, but the first thing that popped in my mind was "i am pissing on myself." Quickly i figure out that, no i'm not peeing on myself, but that my drink has spilt all in my bookbag, including my cell phone. The only form of communication i have with anyone, including my mother. So i am bugging. I try to turn it on, and it won't. When it does come on, the screen is so bright i can barely see, the picture is distorted, it's upside down, it has all this weird words on it. I am almost to tears. So After making it to my dorm, i know that A) i must find a phone to call my mom in the building B) i must find a nice soul who will let me use their phone C) use a payphone

A) I run downstairs to the guard, asking if i can use her phone. No, No, and then more No. She said it nicely though explaining that they can only use the phone for emergencies. Such as if the cuilding was burning down. I ask where there is a phone i can use. She doesn't know. I ask does she no anyone who does no. She says she doesn't know. But i should see if any RA's are in the building. It's going on 10:20, and i know my mom is bugging. So i run, no where near liquid, to the RA center. No one is there.

Totally Skipping plan B i go straight to C

C) There is a phone on the wall. I dial and there is this weird beeping noise. I hang up. running back to the guard, i ask her if there are payphone. She says there is one located across the street at the conveince store. I run to the convience store, still in my stupid uniform. To only get there an realize that i don't have any money on me. Great, the payphone was a bust. So i head back to my dorm, run upstairs grab my wallet..and wait...I remember that i have an RA on the floor. OF course she will let me use her cell phone.

B) I knock on her door and there is no answer. Figure i get a Ra who is never in her room. Out of Despereation i knock on a girl door who i thought seemed nice. I had seen her when we first moved in, and she was kind of Indie, red hair, this poka-dot ribbon in her hair and a vintage tee. My kind of friend. I hadn't seen her since, but i knew she only lived right next to the RA, and that her seeming nicenes, from appearance, would help a vintage gal like her out. Boy was i wrong. So i knock on the door, explain my sitaution, show my phone is on the frists, basically throwing myself at this girls feet to just let me use her phone, so i can tell me mom that i am okay, but that she will need to pick me up tomorrow because my phone isn't working. She stared at me like i was an alien. I mean i could have told her my dog just died and i think she may have went "well i don't know your dog, so fuck off." She was just like "um...well...my phone doesn't work in this building...um....so....i don't know.....yeah." i was so crushed. I thought she would totally cool and let me use her phone, and then out of that we would be cool. Not at all. I eventually just say "thanks" for nothing and turn the corner. As soon as i turn the corne, tears are on my face. I don't what to do. I can't get in touch with my mom, red head was not cool, and no will help me. College Life i tell you.

After that desparging attempt for help, i decide to go to the ATM, get money, head to the payphone. On the way, i saw an RA who i had met previously. She let me use her phone with no problem, then told me a way to get my cell to work, by taking the battery out for a while. I tell mom what happended and she said she will come this weekend to see whats up the phone. I head back to my room, take the battery out and 15 minutes later, i turn on my phone. The picture is still bright as hell, but i can call my mom. I am just defeated, tired, sick of being alone, hating work, hating my shcool, hating being in his room, hating having to watch people with their friends and me with with no one. I'm exhausted, nervous about my hard classes, overwhelmed, and trying to maintain my sanity among the craziness.

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