That what i feel like today, and for the impending days as college approaches. A big, crying(on the inside anyway, i ain't no chump), whining baby, and this is my second year in school.
I don't know what it is, when i was younger all i wanted to do was be away from my family. I swear i must have peaked at 12, because i was out almost everyday, i had a million friends, i had a million crushes, and the last thing i wanted to do was be near my family. THE LAST THING. of course ever since the move when i was 13 to this hell whole, i dread moving away from my mom. Like big, attached baby, i wish i could stay home forever and do nothing, except be here.
I'm pouting right now becasue in less than 2 weeks i will be in school. in my small windowless, dorm, with materalistic people, who would rather drink than find some other source of a time. I will be in my room, alone, watching countless hours of television whilst i attempt to get back to New York by working my ass off in my classses. The real clincher is...I only go to school 90 minutes away. YES 90 MINUTES.
All these doubts run into my head about maybe i should have went to school closer to home, which is about 45 minutes away. I could get a job here, and still be able to go to school, and still be able to live at home, and be with my mom (and maybe my brother). But those of course are just excuses to make my doubts seem rational. I mean i didn't have a horrible time last semester, other than the roommate thing, which i will write down, i promise.But sometimes i wish i could just be a kid forever and stay at home, and be with my mom, and not have to worry about bills, and med school, and all these things which make me just want to revert back to a time of no worries.
Of course this wouldn't even be an issure if i had a... CAR.
Maybe thats just another excuse also.
Fuck it
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