Punk

So...I don't have crushes on many people. I mean i'm very particular with the people who i like. I don't agree with women and men who get married when they are like 18-25, because they think that have found the one, when really they are just settling for what they believe is the best they can get. That's Bull. So when i do get a crush, it's always a major thing to me. I believe everyone has beauty, but we all see it different. I like smart boys, nice eyes, i concentrate more on personality once i meet them, but i like quirky boys. Point blank. Oh..But i have had a crush on 2 boys who didn't speak english. One i played footsies with in the cafeteria...Oh that 's a whole nother story and now i must now tell

So in the 7th grade there was a new student from Mexico his name was Freddy, and everyone thought he was hott, because of that reason i immediately dislike him. We lived in the same neighborhood and rode the same bus, and he was friends with a boy i knew, so we encountered each other a lot. So once again he didn't speak much english, and when we waited for the bus together it was just coy glances at one another. I don't know when we both started liking each other, but even though we never said anything to one another we always stood close to each other, sat across from each other on the bus, would walk near each other on the way to homeroom. It was so weird we never said anyting , but we would have this secret smile, hand touch, or just sitting near each other when it didn't require us to. We would be in class and he would stare at me, and then i would look at him and he would look away and vice versa. It was so weird. But anytime someone would comment on him, i would totally pretend like i dislike him.

So one day it was really cold outside and as a stipulation we waited inside the cafeteria instead of staying outside. We once again managed to grab seats next to one another. And i swear this was one of the most intimate things i have ever done with a boy. So my leg was shaking, and his was too, and someohow our legs got closer and closer until they were touching. our legs just kind of stayed in that position while we eached closer physically to one another. I mean we were inches away from each other, our heads were almost touching. I turned my head and our checks brushed up against one another. We remained like that, just like examing each others face, legs touching, it was so weird. I know i should use another word then weird but that what it was. But i never felt as safe as i did then. So then the bell rings, and i swear we are like the last people to get up. But crazy old me, made a quick exit out of the cafeteria while him and his friend left.

We remained in that weird kind of euphoric state for the rest of the year. Slight hand touching, wry smiles, and looking at one another from a distance. Then he moved back to Mexico. WTF.

So anyway this story is supposed to be about another boy, but i got distracted. In high school, i had a crush in a boy names lee, and yes we actually had conversations. He was a typically punk boy. I mean the description of punk was him. He dyed his hair 4 different colors, wore spikes, had piercings, and was vulgar. And for some reason straightlace me liked him. We meet in the 9th grade, he knew my brother. I knew of him, because in Middle school he was a prep but as soon as he entered high school he changed. For some reason we started talking on the bus (go figure) and a friendship emerged. He was totally nasty, talking about masturbation, his torture of squirrels and so on, but i think he was surprised that i didn't mind listening and even commenting on what he did. I swear he masturbated on the bus, just to see if i would freak out. I didn't. Well because i didn't look. He talked about South Park and did the Timmy voice, i talked about book and movies. And even though i thought our friendship was weird and that any moment he would stop talking to me, he always sat in the same spot and we always talked the whole way to his stop.

So after a while we both stop riding the bus in general, i'd see him in the hallway and he wouldn't ignore me. Then in the 11th grade we had a law class together. And though we didn't say much at first, we would be in groups together and i just liked him. I liked that he didn't care. I like that he chipped his tooth, and that he admitted using drugs from time to time, but warned me not to. And that liked South Park, and that he came to class everyday, except when he got arrested, but that he always skipped assemblies. I liked that he liked me. But unfortunately i have a record for boys i liking leaving, and eventually he either graduated or moved back to Connecticut, or is in jail somewhere.

I'm not one of those girls who like bad boys. I grew up in a family full of bad boys. I swear everyman in my family has either been to jail, or is on there way to being in jail. Not because they grew up in a bad neighborhood, or had a rotten childhood, we grew up in Westchester NY for christ sakes, but just because they like to be bad. But i liked lee and despite his vulgarity and unconventuality, i liked him. And though i have no idea where he is, i still kind of think of him and wonder if i will have someone who likes me just as i liked and vice versa. MF-er